Sunday, June 22, 2008

18 weeks.

Sad. Weepy. Sluggish in body and mind.

Since my visit to the Hospital last week, I've found myself overly emotional and anxious. I think a lot of it has to do with being back at that hospital. The hospital where I should have delivered my daughter. The hospital that told me not to go back should I have another bleed. The hospital with the mean midwife who wasn't interested in me or my baby.

I've burst into tears a lot today. Nothing to trigger it. Same with last night. Ever thoughtful and caring husband's words of wisdom "Well, you wanted to be pregnant". Jackass.

There are things I need to work through, I admit that much. It's only sinking in now exactly how stressful my pregnancy with my daughter was and how adamant it has made me to not allow the same circumstances to arise again (the part where my placenta embedded I could not control, obviously, nor the APH's, or the need for a c-section, the list goes on).

AND? PTSD? Possibly? Having a horrific pregnancy, a c-section, premature baby, then learning that my beautiful daughter has a life-long, incurable disabilty. It could be on the cards.

Stay tuned.

On the brighter side though, baby kicked me really hard last night that it actually made me jump!

1 week til Ultrasound. I've changed the background layout to blue, I'm certain this one's a boy.

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