14 Weeks

14 weeks pregnant now, and I've scheduled my first appointment at the 'new' hospital, which was where I was meant to have my daughter, but couldn't because I was too high risk. I am glad to be going back there, I'm familiar with the Birthing Unit & maternity ward, and hopefully my favourite midwife Renae still works there - I have my fingers crossed for this to be the case, she made such a huge impact on my pregnancy with my daughter, I'd love for her to be involved in my care with this one. Failing that, a lady I work with is best friends with the head midwife at the hospital, so that's good to know!

Feeling little bubble/popping sensations now, which I'm convinced is the baby. I felt movement with my daughter at 15 weeks, so it's entirely possible - and very exciting.

The plan for work is to stay until around the end of September, so around 7 months, of course that all depends on whether or not I am actually allowed to or stuck on bloody bedrest like I was with my first pregnancy. At this early stage, I plan to be off until the littlest member of our family is 6 months old (if finances permit) but we'll take it however it comes.

It's difficult talking about this pregnancy with my husband, because he just can't get interested (for lack of a better word) until the baby is really here, which is so frustrating, but I understand what he's saying. So, he's decided that he now doesn't want to know the sex of the baby and I'm thinking I'd like to know - with our first we were the complete opposite! My only reason for wanting to know is in case I have another GA, I don't want everyone knowing the sex of my baby before me.

It's stirred a lot of raw emotions that I still have following my little one's birth. I opted for a GA because everything felt completely out of control and I was scared. I wasn't in a position to completely comprehend her early arrival under such stressed conditions. Of course, I regret it now, completely and utterly. My main issues still surround what happened after her birth, that will no doubt haunt me for the rest of my days.

Following the C-Section, I wasn't well at all. The after-birth contractions were hideous, and I was so groggy and unwell I had double vision and was on oxygen for the next 16 hours after her birth. Not the type of conditions I wanted to be seen in by anyone. When I wasn't well, Husband's phone was ringing pretty much constantly, and he kept asking me whether his parents could come and see the baby. I can't even remember if I answered him, given he knew what my wishes were. Next thing I remember, my SIL is giving my daughter a cuddle and a bottle, my MIL had unwrapped her and looked her over and even questioned her leg to the nurses - and I hadn't even held her yet. It breaks my heart to think about, even now, 3.5yrs on. I don't blame them, I know Ian was excited and wanted to show off little Isla, but still.

So, this time, no one is knowing the date of our c-section, other than my Mum, who will be minding our daughter at the time. I'm going to draw up a birth plan and it will be adhered to - to the letter. I've discussed all of this with my husband, and he didn't realise exactly how much it meant to me when our daughter was born, which still shits me up the wall, but, unfortunately, I can't turn back the clock. He knows exactly what I want this time, without a shadow of a doubt.

Perhaps I should start that now?

12 weeks.

12 weeks pregnant now, baby due on the 25th of November. Had my first appointment at the hospital this morning and it all went well. I meant to ask them if I could listen to the heartbeat but I completely forgot.

At this stage, I don't have to go back until the 1st of July after I have my 18wk ultrasound around the 23rd of June, once that is done, they'll know where the placenta is and that will determine whether I see the midwives at the clinic or the doctors. We'll wait and see.

Still feeling pretty ordinary most days, nothing much I feel like eating or drinking for that matter. I was weighed in at the hospital this morning and I'm 5kgs less than I was about 3 weeks ago when I got up the nerve to stand on the scales! I guess that's one good thing about the fairly constant nausea!

First scan

I had my first scan this morning, bubs is measuring 7wks 6days which is 8 days behind my dates, but I'm not too concerned. Heart beat was 164bpm

I have less and less m/s each day and feel pretty good at the moment.

Nothing very interesting to update I'm afraid

With child.

Life is good.

Due end of November

Could it be?

Feeling craptacular today. Crampy tummy, very similar to when I had IBS when I was younger. Mum, (who's staying with us at the moment while her reno's are being carried out) thinks it's stress related.

A friend's brother dropped around today before going to the football with Ian, and announced he and his wife are expecting another child. He mentions that perhaps pregnancy is the reason I feel so bleurgh. "Absolutely not" I reply, but secretly think (read: hope) "could it be?". Period due on the 17th of this month.

I decide not to test. Going out with a group of girls this evening, should be enough of a distraction to take my mind off it all.

Still No BFP

Update...
Still no progress with trying to conceive.

Ian's had his SA, the results aren't back yet. I've had two lots of blood tests so far with more to come. One lot was just to check for deficiencies etc, the second lot were to see if I've ovulated and to check hormone levels.

Still another 2ish weeks until I see the specialist again, although his office called on Tuesday to say that I have no rubella immunity, so I need to be vaccinated again, then wait another 4 weeks to continue TTC, which is odd, last time I had the injection (Isla was 3 days old) I was told not to conceive for 3 months, so I may have to find some more info or just err on the caution and wait the 3 months.

Still have 2 more ultrasounds to go, just waiting for AF to show up before I can be booked in for those.

It's a bit overwhelming. We started actively TTC some 15 months ago and each month gets harder and harder. At times it feels like the whole world is pregnant (which I know isn't the case) and everyone is so keen to offer their advice.

The worst one is "Stop thinking about it and it will happen" it makes me mad. It's also shitting me to hear people's stories changing, "Oh it took us X amount of months to conceive XYZ" when I know that it didn't...I guess for some it's a competition, but it's one I'd like to no longer be a part of.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Saw the Ob again today, all my blood tests came back normal - all hormone levels are fine, kidneys and liver doing what they should be. He said not to have the Rubella booster because I'm obviously one of those people that it has no effect on. My levels are down to 23, which is lower than when I was pregnant with Isla, they were 27 then (weird considering I've had a booster since!).

Ian's sperm count was through the roof and all normal little swimmers which is reassuring, he was stressing about it a little. So, the possibilities are:

a) I'm not ovulating (which the dr has partially dismissed - his theory is that erratic cycles indicate that I am ovulating, just not at a particular time) and will probably have to start on fertility drugs (Clomid) to make me ovulate.

b) There's a blockage in the fallopian tubes - need a TPA to see whether that's the case (will have to be next cycle though as I didn't want to have this procedure then have my tonsils out)

c) The lesion on my right ovary is causing the infertility - they still don't quite know what it is, another ultrasound should be enough to find out though..

or

d) unexplained infertility.

*sigh*

The quest for a sibling

Well, this is where we're up to in our quest for a little brother or sister for Isla.

I had an ultrasound & bloodwork done, and all have come back normal - although there is a 2cm lesion in one of my ovaries, but it's uncertain what it is - we'll be repeating the ultrasound next cycle. PCOS ruled out which is good news :)

So, I see a specialist tomorrow, will probably have another ultrasound, but it will be interesting to see where we go from here.